


Her Last Goodbye

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: ALS, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 05:50:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16738309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Saying goodbye to those we love is hard no matter when it happens.





	Her Last Goodbye

Jensen closed the door after practically having had to shove Jared through it. Being his best friend, he hadn’t wanted to leave. Jared didn’t like Jensen being alone, but damn he needed it. All Jensen could think about while the house was buzzing around him was to be alone. He didn’t feel a damn thing when people walked up to him, offering their condolences. The last time the house was this full stuck on his mind.

Jensen had rolled his eyes at her, offering up one expensive venue after another. He wanted her to have it all, but Y/N had refused. She wanted them to get married at the small church they went to every Sunday when he was at home and she wanted the reception to be at home. Finally Jensen had caved and Y/N had, had the wedding her way. Off course she had been right. It had been perfect, small and intimate. It had fit them better than the extravagant wedding Jensen had wanted to give her.

Jensen didn’t see the darkly dressed people in his living room. Not really anyway. He saw her and the way she spun around the floor dancing and laughing with everyone from his dad, her dad, his brother to Jared and Misha. Jensen loved watching her from afar and he had done so from the longest of times until he finally made his way across the floor, when the music changed to a slower tune, laying a gentle hand on Misha’s arm.

_“Can I cut in?” Jensen asked and Misha instantly nodded, giving his friend a tight hug before leaving the floor._

_“I thought you’d forgotten about me,” Y/N teased as Jensen pulled her close, slowly swaying to the music and Jensen tenderly pressed his lips against hers. He loved how perfectly she fit in his arms and the way she would always lean into his touch. He smiled down at her, and his heart almost stopped. She was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. Y/N was practically glowing as she looked up at him. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her this happy and in that moment he vowed he would do everything within his power to keep her like this forever._

_“I could never forget about you,” he promised, making her face light up in the brightest of smiles before he made her squeal with laughter as he spun her around the room, dipping her to the floor and kissing her again._

“I could never forget about you,” those words rung over and over in Jensen’s head as soon as the door closed behind Jared. For the first time in a week, he was truly alone. The past few days someone had stayed over. If not his mom, then Y/N’s, McKenzie or Jared. It was as if everyone had agreed never to leave him alone and it had taken Jensen almost screaming at his best friend to leave him now, when it was all over.

The silence was deafening now and he almost tore the door back open, screaming for Jared to come back, but he couldn’t. This was something he was going to have to go through. He took a deep breath before walking through the house that seemed to be filled with bad memories now.

The living room where she had dropped a vase out of the blue for no reason for the first time, the kitchen where she had cut herself and screamed at him she needed to be able to atleast do some things on her own, when he had tried to help her, the bathroom where she had fallen in the shower and Jensen had to lift her off the floor and carry her back to bed, only a few weeks ago. The bedroom where he had held her as she cried after that incident and the first time she had expressed to him a wish to leave this world on her own terms. It had scared the shit out of him and he had refused to talk about it. Something he had regretted every moment for the past week. If he had only listened to her that night, maybe she would still be here. Maybe he wouldn’t have found her lifeless in their bed with the open bottle of pills on the night table. Maybe at the very least he could have been with her, she wouldn’t have had to go on her own.

The blame and guilt had been overwhelming over the past few days and it had been all he had been able to focus on. Had he just listened, taken her serious. Told her that he wanted her and loved her. Told her that no matter what was going to happen he would never leave her, he would always be there for her, loving her every step of the way. Had he just spoken up, maybe his wife would still be alive and waiting for him in their bed.

Jensen felt his legs give out from under him as he reached their bedroom, his knees hitting their the floor as the room came into vision. The bed was big and empty, but he could still see her lying there. He could still remember how cold she had felt when he had clung to her, screaming out her name, begging for her to come back. Begging for her not to leave him. He gasped for air, struggling to breath properly as he tried replace that memory with a happy one in his mind, but even than hurt.

_Y/N squealed when Jensen pulled her back in bed, instantly rolling over her and pinning her beneath him as his lips trailed down her neck._

_“Jay!! I am meeting with Mac and Gen in a few hours,” she laughed, struggling halfheartedly beneath him._

_“You’re newly wed. You’re allowed to be late,” Jensen teased, hating that the honeymoon had ended. They hadn’t been back home for more than a few days and he already missed staying in bed with her all day. Their friends and family wanted to see tham and all Jensen wanted was to be with her. Touching, kissing, talking. He wanted her to never leave his arms, but Y/N had other plans._

_He had always been completely under her spell. Even as friends when they were both seeing other people, there had never been anything he wouldn’t do for her. She had always been his first priority even if it had taken him years and failed relationships to realize that. He still remembered the surprised look on her face when he had finally grown the balls to ask her out, he still remembered how nervous he had been the entire day before picking her up. The first kiss and how everything seemed to fall into place as their lips met. She had given herself to him that night and from that moment on he had never let her go. Dating had turned into engagement. Engagement to marriage and Jensen had never been happier than he was holding her, kissing her, touching her. She was his entire would and he was happy to let the outside fade away for a few more days, staying hidden away from reality with her in his arms._

_Jensen growled when she finally managed to slip out from under him, but his annoyance was sort lasted. Y/N didn’t bother to get dressed, instead her hips swayed as she showed off her soft, very naked body to him, turning around in the bathroom door, crooking her finger at him and Jensen was out of bed so fast his head was spinning._

Jensen would never have that again. He would never feel her soft, warm body moving beneath him. He would never wake up in the middle of the night, feeling happy and content as she snuggled closer to him in her sleep, practically lying on top of him. He had never loved anyone the way that he loved her. She had been his best friend and the love of his life. They had wanted a family together, a dream that had been shattered instantly when the doctor’s had made their diagnoses. ALS. Y/N didn’t have more than a few years left and even if a baby was technically possible, Y/N had refused. She didn’t wanna leave her kid without a mom and Jensen had respected her wishes. All he wanted was her after all and he had never stopped looking for a treatment. He had never stopped talking to doctors all over the world fighting to find some miracle cure, he deep down knew didn’t exist.   

Y/N had wanted to live as normal as possible and she didn’t take about the disease much. Jensen brought her with him to Vancouver to shoot as often as possible and Y/N gave him that, knowing it was his way of spending as much of the time they had left together. He had no doubt in his mind this was eating at her as much as it was him. She lost everything she had ever wanted or dreamed about with one doctor’s appointment. A doctor’s appointment Jensen had forced her to go to in the first place, because even though she had always been clumsy she falling and the bruises were getting out of hand.

She had been quiet for a few days after, before announcing to him that she was still her. Telling him not to tell anyone before they had too and she didn’t want him to change around her. Jensen hadn’t. He had done everything the way she had wanted too. Not telling their families and friends for the first 6 months. He had struggled to pretend as if it was nothing every time she got hurt because she would get angry when he didn’t. He knew that she was struggling and he had tried the best he could to make it as easy as possible on her. He loved her and being there for her from day to day, had made him forget the fear of losing her. Most of the time anyway. The days he spent in Vancouver without her was literal hell. Not because he was afraid she would get hurt and him not being there, because Gen had promised to stay with her as much as possible and when she couldn’t Jensen knew she would arrange with Mac or Y/N’s mom to drop by. It was his mind. Being without her, reminded him of how it was going to be soon and still nothing had prepared him for what he felt in the moment she was actually gone.

It wasn’t the disease that had taken her from her. She had left him. If she had really loved him how could she have done that? Jensen felt the anger bubble in his veins as he screamed out for her into the empty bedroom. He screamed, missing the person he had been with her. She had brought out the best in him. Something he would never see again. She had been his everything and now she was gone. She had left him alone and Jensen wanted nothing more than to have her back. He hated her for not staying, for not fighting and at the same time he understood. He understood how much she had been struggling. Struggles that was on him. He should have been able to make it easier for her. He should have made her want to fight, to keep going, to stay with him.

Jensen had no idea how long he had been kneeling on the floor before he finally got up, dragging himself to the big, cold, empty bed. Placing himself on her side, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and perfume still lingering in the sheets, before slowly opening the night stand. He pulled out the letter he had been hiding. The letter he still hadn’t read. Tears streamed down his face as he unfolded the page, seeing her troubled handwriting.

_Jensen… I know this is going to hurt you, and I am sorry. But no matter how this happens it will hurt you. I don’t want you having to clean and bath me. I don’t want you to become my caregiver. I love you and I want you to remember me the way that I was._

_This is me setting us both free Jensen. My body is betraying me and it is starting to feel like a prison. I know how much you want a family and you will. You will find a girl who sees what I see. She will love you and she will give you children. You will be happy again Jay. I am so sorry, I couldn’t be the one to give you any of it. I am so sorry our love was cut short, but just know I will always love you and I will wait for you. Just take your time getting here okay? Live a long, happy life for me._

_Forever yours._

_Y/N._

Tears streamed down his face as he read her last goodbye. He read the letter over and over, before he curled up into a ball, wishing he could feel her wrapped around him again one last time. Wishing he could hear her voice or kiss her goodnight. Wishing he could tell her he didn’t want anybody but her and no matter how it ended he didn’t regret a single moment spend with her.


End file.
